WISC-IV

(found this in draft so here I am uploading it today)
That's the name of IQ test.
I have dreaded for Leigh to take this test.

I am so scared to death that I would look at her differently when she gets a low score.
Because there are times when I wonder if she didn't comprehend what I say to her because of the communication problem due to her autism or if it's simply that her intellligence only goes that far.

I have always told myself "at least she is smart" "at least her intelligence is not out of touch".
There are so many kids with what we call who have low IQ and I always tell the moms that the score means nothing as it's just a score of how many questions the child has got right at that time of the day and it should not upset them. How naive I was... they weren't afraid of the score they were afraid to think how their child will live on their own if it is ever possible.

I still cannot forget the day I found out that my girl has autism and it hurt like hell and I cried for months. It still hurts but I can function normally most of the time now. I think if they tell me that she also has low IQ... I would be hurt all over again. And it will take another 3-4 years to heal and let me work and function again... I don't want to go through that again.

Bottom, line I am afraid to be hurt all over again this way.

If she has low IQ and she has no way to understand how others feel then how the heck is she going to survive after I am gone? there is just no answer.
And there is this little voice in my head saying "but.. but... she is in grade4 now and she is doing grade5 stuff in maths and sorts, if she had low IQ would that be possible? would it? she can learn and memorize and write her kanjis after writing a couple of times... or can play the piano like other girls her age... or even wins prizes at calligraphy competitions.. etc etc..."

I feel like I am dropped into a forever black hole and I am keep falling.
I get her result next Tuesday.

This is an update: 2016.09.4
Her IQ wasn't sky rocketing but not as low that she is considered 'concerning' in the intelligence area.
In the area of figuring things out, she did fairly well but in the area of understanding speech she wasn't so good. So if I can go back to the past, I would pat shoulder and tell myself there is no need to be worried so much. Okay, one task down. Next we have her brain wave test.