So much has happened.
May be I should chop the happenings into a few different posts..
I have been trying to stay as stable as I can. That is, mentally.
The turmoil of my father's passing is somewhat calmed down now. I totally accept it.
That's life and I am glad he is not in pain anymore. It's no longer only the good memories that stay, I remember the bad too now. Again, that is life and I am glad I remember both sides of life with him because that was what it was with my father. And it's also a sign that I have landed back to the reality of every day's life.
Then what has been bothering me so much that I still sound like a cloud of grey-ness is casting over my head?
Are you ready?
I may have mentioned or not in my previous posts I do not remember because I was not ready to say this to anyone other than outside of my family or close bunch of friends.
Leigh has autism. It's clear now.
I knew she has been different though so many doctors have told me that is not the case, and now I regret I took her to general doctors first.
Specialists and test results now tell me differently. They tell me all the right reason to be suspicious.
So she has been placed in special class now, on strict diet with lots of supplements trying to make up for the broken gaps she has in her system.
I have learnt so much the past 2 years. Realized this is a whole new world surrounding the our new challenge.
I have gone through many steps of emotions to be able to accept the fact with calmer heart.
But I still am within the circle with only close ones to share the news.. so I guess I am still not whole heartedly open about it... still hurts to tell people the situation. I think it will be this way for some more years.
Because I am tired of worrying about how others think, tired of how Leigh is treated wrong with the piercing eyes whenever she is out of line.
But one thing has not changed. That I love her more than ever and I will be there to support till the end of my day. And I wish and pray to God that she will be an independent - happy woman by the time I am gone. That's all I ask...
photo: Leigh at school
5 comments:
It is very brave to accept and acknowledge Leigh has autism. It takes a lot of courage to admit and say this one statement and I am so proud of you. It hasn't been easy. It will be a long road but love conquers all. I have faith in you and to have come so far already is proof!
I'll be here for you if you need anything. :D
Oh Bonnie,
I still hurts like hell. I feel so sorry for her sometimes.
I think of the things she is missing out all the time. I think "what did I do so wrong" that I had to give birth to her this way. May be one less cheeseburger? one less can of coke? one less tooth filling? would one of those made her a regular healthy girl?
I would never know...
I was told that I should think of what wonderful side of the world she sees because of her autism but it's not easy. I still have a long way to go to learn to be more positive ... I will try.
And you know.. thank you.. thank you for always being there for me. Love you bunch- hugs-
p.s. I need to check grammars and spellings... on the post... I re-read it and it's terrible lol
Don't worry about it, haha. I can't imagine all the thoughts running in your head, all the whys and stuff. It must be a torture. I know it sounds lame but thinking of the "wonderful side" seems like a good idea.
I know Leigh draws happy pictures. Perhaps you could share with us the things Leigh do to let us see what she sees. I think it'll be a great way to understand Leigh more. What do you think?
Thank you, you are right.
May be I am going through a long mild depression.
I don't know. But I know for sure I am not wrapped in blankets denying all things good.
I am happy when I am with my girl at least.
It's just those times when I am left alone to do prepare for my day things dawn on me.
Yes, will share her picts soon.
Thank you as always.
Post a Comment