panic attack

It's been a heck of a day.
I got 3 new projects to work on, hooray!
But my princess had an episode. She had a panic attack so bad that her breathing had to be regulated.
For a moment my mind went blank and I thought I was going to lose her.
It happened all so fast.

She was looking for her hankie and pocket tissue as she was checking before school (and we were already in the car) she started crying saying she can't find them. I didn't think much about it and told her she will be okay without them but her obsession hit her and she started screaming and hitting herself in the head I thought she was going to break her skull.

I had to calm her down as I drove back home.
When I got back I had cold sweats dripping and my girl was just staring into space breathing weird.
I carried her inside the home and I had to count with her and to breathe. In about 10 mins she was back to herself.
What a scare. I don't ever want to experience this ever ever ever again.

I think this was triggered by her daily stress at school where she is expected to do better all the time.
She is in the grey zone, if you keep pushing her, she can do a lot of things really well. But it does not mean she enjoys it.
She is still autistic and special in her own ways. And she needs freedom. She cannot be pushed like a regular children (and I don't think any child wants to be pushed anyways).
I know her teacher thinks Leigh is refusing to do some things just so that she can have an easy life.
But the truth is, she is trying so so hard everyday to satisfy the teacher's request and she can't try any harder at this point.

Time for another talk with her teacher.